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:: La petite merde ::

2005/04/01

[Txt / La Merde] ¿Se cree muy cuca? Pues pélela!!


Para usted que lee este post, Lady Iguazamba, que see cree la cuca de coneja más productiva, demúestrese que es alguito más que matriz y cuéntenos cual es la suya. Póngase la mano en la entepierna y desnude su corazoncito aquí en La Petite Merde:

1. Cuca ameba. Es un órgano parásito.

2. Cuca cereza. Rojita pero agridulce la jijuemadre.

3. Cuca zapote. Dura por fuera, blandita por dentro pero le deja a uno la jeta llena de hebras.

4. Cuca Punk. Escuálida, pálida y con unos mechoncitos de colores.

5. Cuca atravezada. Siempre le lleva la contraria al pene.

6. Cuca Morcilla. Está como descosida por dentro, siempre "sangrienta".

7. Cuca Mosquetero. Con mostacho y posiblemente de vocación espadachín.

8. Cucha piña. Tiene mas huecos que la cara del general Noriega.

9. Cucacorra. Una cuca que parece pero no es... entre gustos...

10. Cuca ALF.También denominada Cuca Ovni. Es un ser de otro mundo. Tiene textura de alfombra, un copetín siempre tirado para un lado, aliento de perro y a veces pareciera que tiene su propia personalidad. Me han contado que si uno se queda viéndola por mucho tiempo, pareciera que habla.

11. Cuca pito o cuca silvadora. Esta cuca tiene incorporada una boquilla en la parte baja. La persona que se encuentre con una de estas, simplemente ponga sus labios allí y sople. Puede llegar a entonar bellas melodías. Si la propietaria de ésta cuca ronca, la cuca en las noches pita para hacer dueto con la jeta.

12. Cuca Jackson. También llamada "Pinocha".Es fácil de identificar. Esta cuca tiene la nariz por fuera. Pilas con irse a pinchar un ojo en la oscuridad!!.

13. Cuca Boquinche. Esta es una cuca problema. Definitivamente no se le entiende "ni chimba" lo que quiere decir.

14. Cuca Pancake. Esta cuca tiene los labios articulados de forma independiente, abrazan al penesaurio y le dan masaje caliente. Es sabrosita, da ganas de morder. Se le puede echar miel.

15. Cuca Dalí. Cuca surrealista. Difícil de encontrar. Pareciera que es mutante.

16. Cuca mariquita. A primera vista parece sucia pero no, no se preocupe que son pecas!!

17. Cuca limpión. Todo el que quiere la usa, la ensucia y la tira.

18. Cuca Gruyere. Es una cuca sufrida, madura, seca, consistente y dura, de sabor dulzón y fuerte. Se identifica por su característico aroma picante que la distingue. Tiene una corteza rugosa de color amarillo oscuro, su pasta es marfil, con presencia de muy pocos ojos redondos y pequeñas grietas.

19. Cuca trampa. Métalo y verá que le sale medio!! También llamada Cuca piraña.

20. Cuca-racha. Le encantan las sobras, se alimenta de lo que se les cae de la jeta a otras cucas. Póngale el pie encima y verá que le sale un líquido verde.

21. Cuca pera. También llamada Reina Cuca. Delicioso sabor dulcesito y aguadita. Es un manjar. Una Cuca Top Model. Es facil de identificar por su forma.

22. Cuca mazorca. Realmente parece una mazorca. Está invadida por granos de acné.

23. Cuca trompeta. Es una cuca para "maestros". Solamente un verdadero maestro hace que de ella salga "verdadera música".

24. Cuca Pereirana. Esta es la cuca más iguazamba de todas. Normalmente trae inquilino, viene con "ratón abordo".

25. Cuca bruja. De fábrica viene con berruga y pelo incorporado.

26. Cucas pasabocas. Son tan chiquitas y crujientes que dan ganas morder.

27. Cuca 007. La "cuca de acción". Realmente no se marea para nada. Si hay que brincar, brinca; si hay que correr, corre; si hay que encholarse, lo hace. Realmente atrevida. Una cuca X-treme.

28. Cuca galembera. No le cabe una puñalada más.

29. Cuca AM/FM. Esta hija de la puerca coge cualquier emisora que le pongan.

30. Cuca cabezona. Esta berraca parece una pelota o un segundo estómago. Yo la quisiera bautizar como la cuca macrocefálica.

31. Cucanorrea. Mal aspecto, mal olor, mal sabor, mala impresión al tacto. Solamente los moscos y las alimañas se le arriman.

Entonces... cuente a ver pues cual es la suya. Ahora no se me venga a hacer la santurrona porque en 31 tipos de cucas debe estar la suya, y si no, échele una fotografiada y mánde esa berraca a ver si creamos una sección de "Cucas Asombrosas de Animal Planet".

Anonymous JAIME said...

UN POST BIEN RECUCA. ¡ERES UN MAESTRO! GRACIAS  

Blogger Toxic said...

Usualmente una cuca boquinche.... En situaciones extremas puede ser 007 ;)j0j0j0j0j0j0j0j0j0j0. (quiza no tan extremas XD)  

Blogger Omar said...

Y yo que pensé que se referían a las galletas cuca que se comen con leche aquí en Cali...  

Blogger La merde said...

Ja, ja, ja, ja. Omar, me he re{ido mucho con su comentario. Ja, ja, ja.  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

Aunque, seamos realistas. También se pueden comer con leche!!  

Blogger Ivan said...

Esta es una de las mejores blogs en Colombia, la voy poner en mis vinculos en www.azuloscuro.tk, me gustaria que me pusiera en los suyos.  

Blogger 333 said...

Que blog más bacano...

...bien surtido el re-cuquero  

Blogger GranjceK said...

JAAJAJJAJA.... hasta el No. 23 tenía pensado preguntarle cual era la pereirana... jaja, pero ya me saco de la duda...  

Blogger Juanete said...

JAJJAJAAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA man....me he reido hasta llorar de la risa...
El de l cuca gruyere y la pereirana son demasiado buenos....bacano el blog...jajajajaja  

Anonymous euridice said...

Jajajaja cuántas cucas!!

:)  

Blogger cd said...

Que nota de post, super chistoso jajajaja y los comentarios re cuca jajaja
visite http://carlosdurangop.blogspot.com para algo menos chistoso  

Blogger eltax said...

jajaja

muy buenas CUCAS!!!

MASTER!

Saludos!  

Anonymous Candente said...

Viva las cucas! jaja... saludos.  

Blogger Stokma said...

Hey me encanto este post.. saludos desde Venezuela...  

Blogger Cedric said...

Jo, grandioso Post,  

Blogger Tuor said...

Definitivamente me quedo con la 007. Me gustan así.  

Blogger are said...

My Dear Petite,

Primero que todo te dire que te falto la cuca bosque a la que hay que arrimarsele con un machete para ir despejando el follaje. Una vez una amiga me salio con el cuento de la cuca con "rato" y la verdad me parecio asqueroso, le dije como es posible que se te olvide un tapon alla dentro por mas de un mes???? Los medicos tambien se preguntaron lo mismo cuando se lo sacaron! Y eso no es lo peor durante el tiempo que te tuvo el tapon adentro la muy olvidadiza se echo a la muela dos manes!!!! sin que le notaran nada extrano...ahyyy los hombres que brutos por eso no me gustan.
Mi cuca favorita aparte de la mia, si Petite soy mujer, me ha hecho pasar muy buenos ratos; me gusta la de mi novia. Si Petite soy gay. Tambien me gusta la cuca que menciona Omar Yesid, si Petite soy de Cali, claro que con leche casi no me gusta.  

Blogger La merde said...

Tenés toda la razón Jazz, voy a incorporar la "cuca bosque" muy pronto. Gracias por el aporte.  

Anonymous EL V3RD3 said...

Muy buen post, jajajaja, me has hecho reir en verdad...  

Anonymous DIVINIDAD said...

AQUI ESTUBIMOS LOS DIOSES DEL OLIMPO... EXCELENTE POST... PERO CUCA ES CUCA!!!!

UN ABRAZO... POR SER Y ESTAR  

Blogger Seb said...

Que sabor de post, querido LaMerde... si te interesan las cucas, entra a mi site Viva la Laispi . Cucas de alta calidad...  

Anonymous Crestiman said...

Mi ex-novia tiene una chocha insensible.  

Blogger Laura said...

Genial, jajajaja
se lo mandé a todos
saludos desde Uruguay  

Blogger Ismael Álvarez said...

Hola, La Merde, mi blog (http://www.ismaelalvarez.com/diario/) no es precisamente el lugar idóneo para hacer SPAM. Por favor, olvídanos, graciassssssssss :)  

Anonymous MAFE said...

No joda brother...maestria en Cucologia en el colegio semestralizado de Harvard!! ni yo siendo vieja me sabia que habia tantas clases de cucas!! mis respetos!!!  

Blogger La merde said...

Que power tenerte por estos lares, mi querida Mafe. Bacano tu comentario pero hizo falta algo: ¿Cual es la tuya, my dear? No nos dejés así que se nos hace agua la boca...  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

pormi todos pueden irse a comer mierdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  

Anonymous MAFE said...

Coño! alguien se sintio aludido!!!
Pa que decirte mi clase de cuca? se supone que eso es un misterio y el misterio lo hace mas interesante!! pero igual eso solo lo saben 3 personas! mwhahahahaha....  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

La Merde es un cucólogo de primera!!!  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

coño!!! que de pinga bueno... puedo decirte que la mia es 007 es restiada con todo...jajajaaj!  

Blogger DieGoth said...

Yo ya sé cuál es el tipo de cuca de Mafe, pero no lo diré, jaja.

Para despejar suspicacias, ella lo dijo anoche... no me consta...  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

Yo la calificaria de gloriosa....  

Blogger leidyd said...

las cucas pereiranas no tienen nada comparadas alas delas japonesas
ellas tienen cucas invisbles por todo el cuerpo, y los penes del hombre tienen un censor, y no lo saben si no an estado con una, asi que las puedes culiar por donde sea. las nalgas la cara etc..!  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

Señores que blog tan cuca... oigan bueno las cucas de pereira estan trabajando en algo llamado cultura ciudadana aqui les dejo el blog para que opinen ustedes que son una cuca de gente http://pereiraconvida.blogspot.com/ estamos en contacto...  

Anonymous Tripa mojada said...

Que maricones estos de Pereira Con Vida. Es una mierda ese blog. No entiendo para que mierdas nos invitan a ver esa porqueria que no tiene nada que ver con La Merde?  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

Tengo mi como un Sapito pero eso si sin nadita de pelo y cuando los tipos me meten ese tremendo guevo nunca quisiera sacralo, aunque ayer hicimos una orgia y la rata de mi amiga queria ese huevo para ella sola y yo conb aquellas ganas de metermelo y la coño de madre me dejo morir.aaaaahhhhh.  

Anonymous Anónimo said...

Pues yo no sé que tipo es la mía, lo único que la mantengo es sin un pelo porque me parece algo asqueroso tenerlos...lávense bien y dejen de meterse esas marikadas... mejor es pichar sin que con... pero la mafe es la qque me entiende... verdad tajadis  

Blogger Admin said...

Todos invitados a aplicar la Teoría en la PRACTICA!

Clasifiquen cada una de estas conchitas como lo crean conveniente.

---> Por aki es la cosa

http://imagezine.blogspot.com

;)  

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